Today I felt like I just floated by, like I was not really into anything , just ...
               I don't know how I feel today...
                     I feel like I should be thinking , but I am not...
                           I think I just hate being ignored...
                                  I was ignored a lot today..
                                          I just don't feel like myself...
           Blah.. I don't like today..............
                           

  So my dad is going on this motorcycle trip next week so he can not take us to wired and unplugged to see London!!! I will have to wait two weeks. But it could be better this way, who knows....

 Ice tea reminds me of that boy's song with ice ice baby that was funny..

 So went to this place called wired and unplugged. Alana and Pria went with my father and my sister to see London play guitar. It was a open mic kinda thing and some of the people were pretty bad, but some were good too. The funniest had to have been shoes/cats boy, he said some very dirty things...but it was funny. Then there was aaron carter/draco malfoy boy. He had that  kinda i am better than everyone else look on his face, but he was really good at singing, really good. Then there was the island boys with the aaron carter boy playing a drum thingy. Then of course my favorite of the night London. He made up spanish guitar and it sounded really good. He also played other songs and got the biggest cheers and the biggest claps. There was this girl across the room from me making really big flirty/doe eyes at him, almost exactly the same way i did when i first heard him play, but all i could think about was that he had sat on MY couch and talked to ME till 3:30 in the morning, of course it was that or sleep, but hey he choose to stay up and talk to boring me than to sleep..also he played guitar when it was only us instead of a crowed room. So I am pretty infactuated with this guy.. cant wait til next friday night......

meaning: fear of long words

             Hw ironic is that? I feel like I am getting lost again. I always think breaks will cure me but then I always feel the same. I think I am tired but I am in a frustrated mood. I think something happpens to my mind and I act stupid and then I go why did you do that or why did you say that or why could you just act nicer and friendlier and why do you hate when you do ( pretend) cause it feels half hearted and inconcere and God what could make the stress go down. Sometimes I maks bad decisions and I look back and think how could I have done that....... I think I just repeated myself but I am too tired to... whatever. I wish that things would change. Do I have to do something or does it just happen. Man I need to try to be nicer and not so goddamn shy. I am always so uneasy I hate it!! Trying to be cool and calm but inside going AHHh!! just because of some stupid boy from a long time ago and.... i feel kinda dumb. I need to find someone new, any suggestions? 




                                  

  So here are some pictures of that party we had so long ago....

 So I am back! We left on wednesday and came back today.  We went to Portland and then I drove from Portland to Roseburg which is about a three hour drive, I am sick of driving now... So my grandparents have a glitter dog, the bichon frise thing. I thought it would be really ugly and annoying but it had the little puppy hair cut and it was like a little puff ball and it would stand on its hind legs and put its paws on your knees, and it untied my moms shoelaces and was very cute. So this was a very puppy week because my aunts dog sara had puppies! You could hold them in your hand and were very small, they were half border collie and half something (they not sure who the father of the pups are). So my aunt susie was very stressed because my cousin and his friend are going to go to Alaska and work on a fishing boat for 60 days ( one of the most dangerous jobs possible)  so she was stressed. Also Sara had her babies on her brand new white carpet so she was even more upset( but i thhink freaking out  about the stained carpet was a displacement for her worries about her son going to Alaska). So I went shopping and bought more sweaters and underwear so I am in a pretty good mood. Oh and my mom is thinking about applying for a summer job in Portland. She would move there for the summer and work and Allie and I would go back and forth everyother weekend. But she would be close to Brian and it would be a "good career move" , but because we are taking a month vacation to europe in the middle of the summer i am not sure they would hire her. But my sister and I think it might be cool to live downtown Portland and have fun...So more exciting news is that my cousins in Salt lake City are going to move to Tacoma, (my aunt Lynn is in the air force). Oh and i got my passport pictures and they look good, its one of the better pictures I've taken.

        So there could be a really long dramatic story today but it is late and I am too emotional drained to write it all down. It involes the usual yelling and crying but it also has sneaking out windows and broken computers..and driving off and alot of other really bad stuff I don't want to think about . But we-meaning everyone- needs to get together to study for ap world for lang students it is worth 600 points. Sorry as if we all wernt stressed out enough....blah I need my beauty sleep.

   So I go through moods so fast it is scary sometimes. So I was mad, then crying then laughing then calm in about ten minutes. I got in an arugement with my dad again, and then we had one of our talks where I manipulate then feel really bad about it. (that would be the crying) I really like our talks sometimes. He told me that some people go through their emotions fast and then get over them quickly, they wear there emotions on their sleeves. And other people can hold anger against someone for years.  They bury their emotions and actual have bigger problems than people who express them everyday.
     He also said that people should not beat themsleves up for stupid things they did. That if they do something stupid that embaresses them that they should just leave it behind and go on with their lives. They should not dwell on it or hate themselves  for the small dumb things they do. If everyone hated themselves for silly little things they did then everyone would hate thmselves because everyone does things they regret.
    I think that people think embaressing things they do are noticable to everyone and this is not true. Everyone wont look down on you for one or two little mistakes you made. People will still like you if you said something dumb and they proably did not even notice in the first place.
     So I think my dad gives good advice and  also speaks the truth about me, because when I first sat down at the computer I had every intention of venting out my frustarations and now I feel as calm as snow falling softly in the circle of light a street light makes on a winters day, but i feel warm and cozy not cold. Anyone else think that snow should feel like the blanket it looks like?
     Also I feel like there are certain subjects we all just skip around. It like we all know its there or we suspects somethings there but we just go around or pretend its something else.  I may get in trouble for this but its about time I said- God I miss Yumi!!!!!  <3

 So my sister and I used to be closer than we are now. It kind of makes me sad. We used to check up on each other to see if we where still awake when we shared the same room. It would be like this:
           Katie:Allie?
           Allie:Yes?
           Katie:Just checking
           Allie:Okay
So back then we would also sit outside our parents bedroom while they fought and listen to them argue and wonder if they would get divorced. I have this one memory, of us huddling together as our parents voices thundered through the door. Also right after they got divorced allie and I were kind of in this adventure of two households together, going back and forth, dragging our lives around but always having each other. Then this thing called growing up happened, first to me then to her and now she yells at me and uses all those fancy words she learned at school at me....and it makes me sad. I think she has too much pressure and i cant understand her and well lets just say I  cant wait till she gets nice again or this week passes:)


                Also if anyone wants to correct me on my spelling feel free cause I hate reading what I have already written..<3